[ it's probably around 1 am when vax touches his earring, the anxiety of his relationship with percy keeping him awake. he's known vax the longest out of everyone on the island, so why is this so hard for him? ]
what's keeping you from loving me fully?
i can tell there's something. you know i'm smarter than that.
i know that you want to and you won't let yourself. why not?
[Percy breathes a quiet sigh when he hears Vax'ildan's voice, and it takes him a moment to realize he's not dreaming. He reaches up to touch the earring without really thinking, but it takes him a moment to respond.]
You are terribly clever, Vax'ildan, [he murmurs, voice still heavy with sleep.]
i know that you love me in the sense that you always have. i also know that since you’ve been here, you’ve wanted more with me and kept yourself from me. i don’t know why and it hurts, percival.
[He has no idea how to have this conversation, awake or asleep. Percy forces himself out of bed, then realizes the only liquor he has access to is in the house next door. He sits back down on the edge of his bed.]
He lets go of the earring and pushes his fingers through his hair, clutching tight for a moment. Percy exhales sharply before touching the earring again.]
[ it sure feels as though he is. vax'ildan has prepared to give percy everything he asks for, to love him fully, and all he's gotten in response is half-assed maybes and no real answers. ]
[and if that isn't what Vax wants... Percy doesn't know yet if he can or should offer more. Even if he might want to.. He thinks of Vex and guilt twists in his gut.]
[ there’s no reply for quite some time. when it does come, vax is quiet, and he sounds... tired. ]
yeah. i think you believe that. but i don’t think you know how to show me.
[ another pause, and now he sounds a little more resigned. ]
i think it would be best if we didn’t try for this anymore. i have feelings for you and being around you when you can’t return them hurts too much. i can’t anymore, percy.
[Maybe that will just make things worse, but Vax deserves his honesty here. Percy worries this means he has lost (again) Vax'ildan's trust and affection. Likely no less than he deserves.]
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alignmyheart) wrote2021-03-29 06:47 pm
whisper message.
what's keeping you from loving me fully?
i can tell there's something. you know i'm smarter than that.
i know that you want to and you won't let yourself. why not?
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You are terribly clever, Vax'ildan, [he murmurs, voice still heavy with sleep.]
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I cannot imagine you have a shortage of love. Shaun adores you.
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and you must have none for me, then.
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Do you think someone that didn't love you would be quite prepared to try to fight a god for you? To argue with one to keep you?
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[Percy feels more awake now.]
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Is that not enough?
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[Percival probably hasn't helped matters being the way that he is, but. They've settled a bit more, haven't they? Things are... better. He thought.]
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i’m grasping at fucking straws, percy. what’s keeping you from loving me fully? i won’t let you pull me around and play games with me.
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He lets go of the earring and pushes his fingers through his hair, clutching tight for a moment. Percy exhales sharply before touching the earring again.]
What do you want from me, Vax?
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for you to answer my damn question. truthfully.
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[and if that isn't what Vax wants... Percy doesn't know yet if he can or should offer more. Even if he might want to.. He thinks of Vex and guilt twists in his gut.]
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yeah. i think you believe that. but i don’t think you know how to show me.
[ another pause, and now he sounds a little more resigned. ]
i think it would be best if we didn’t try for this anymore. i have feelings for you and being around you when you can’t return them hurts too much. i can’t anymore, percy.
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The last thing I want is to hurt you, Vax'ildan.
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it’s too late for that. i hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for, even if you have to find it alone.
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[Maybe that will just make things worse, but Vax deserves his honesty here. Percy worries this means he has lost (again) Vax'ildan's trust and affection. Likely no less than he deserves.]
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please just leave me alone until i can stomach being near you again.
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Good night, Vax'ildan.
[He drops his hand from the earring. After a moment of consideration, he reaches up again to take it off and leaves it on his nightstand.]